Twenty three hours and counting... Suns up and it's time to get to work.

Now I sit, wait, and twiddle my thumbs.  I get it.  Oh, do I get it. Over 40 years go by with absolute silence.  It's more than a shock. I too, would need time to process, digest and figure out what to do next.  I can wait.  Really, I can.  Can I, really?  My stomach is in knots, I hit the refresh button on my Aol account every couple of minutes.  I have faith.  I know I'll hear something.  Uncle "Jack" assured me, that he would get back to me, and I know he will.  I haven't met him, but I know he's a good man, and I trust that he's a man of his word.

Naturally, I hope I'll hear from birth mom too, but I can wait.  It's worth the wait, 42 years, what's another day or two?  Even when every second feels like an eternity. What I should be doing is shoveling poo.  I know I told you already, but it's what centers me.  Cleaning house, I hate (sorry honey), cleaning my barn I love.  I know I am so very far from the perfect mother, or wife, but I try.  Oh, do I try.  I forget birthdays (I can't tell you how many times I've bought cards and forgotten to mail them - a bag full of good intentions - my follow through sometimes sucks).  Unconditionally though, I love my family, and I thank God every day for the gifts he's bestowed upon me. Yeah, yeah, happy happy, lucky lucky.  Believe me, there have been highs and lows, but I try to always stay optimistic. Here's another confession - I don't go to church often but I pray daily; despite my Catholic guilt frequently poking me in the ribs, I hope I'm doing right by my kids.  I try to teach them to love others as they should love themselves, always think of how their actions will affect those around them. Be a good friend, always listen, be honest, and do your best at what ever it is you try.  My mother and father, in my mind are still is as close to the ideal parents as one could hope.  Never did they complain about the many, many hours spent behind the wheel chauffeuring me and little sis to dance class, art class, riding lessons, 4-H, gymnastics, soccer, softball, cheerleading (lil' sis, not me), sleepovers, CCD, girl scouts and endless play dates.  Their lives revolved around us, and I will always be grateful for every thing they have done and continue to do to support us.  I love you Mom, and Dad!  XOXOXOXOXO

Alright, we've reached the 24 hour mark from first contact, and it's time.  Time to go back out to the barn, and start shoveling away.  I'll let you know what and when I hear something. Tick tock, tick tock.  Keep those prayers coming. I'm sure each one has helped me along my journey.

Ahh, one more tidbit of information I almost forgot to share.... One of the casting directors from Long Lost Family called me yesterday afternoon and wanted to Skype an interview with me (today).  I shared with her how much has transpired in the last 24 hours and how much I hope to hear from birth mom in the next few days.  If birth mom decides she doesn't want to re-connect for what ever reason, I will respect her decision. Hopefully, a relationship with Uncle Jack will help fill in some of the holes.  Photos old and new have been requested.

Hold on, let me hit refresh again... Nope, nothing yet.

As Always,
Open, Honest and Eternally Hopeful