I was looking to start a training diary for my young horse that's been in training for just over three months now. Opening blogger.com I find my old blog on my search for my birth mother. Might as well jot down a few notes here as it's been well over a year since finding BMom.
I met her once; in a park and had lunch. She met my family, and we don't have a single photo to show for it. Not documenting it is the only regret I have. For months after, I had hoped and dreamed that she would want to include me in her family. That I was worthy of "sharing" with them. I was devastated that it didn't come to fruition.
I truly felt that I wasn't worthy, and fell into quite a funk. Laying up nights wondering why. Why aren't I good enough. Day in and day out it plagued me.
It took a LONG time to realize that it is NOT about me. It's about her, and the choices she made. I try not to punish myself for being so hurt and upset by the fact that I have yet to meet her family.... Well, my family.
There are moments where I feel a hole in my heart and ache to meet them, get to know them and struggle through the whole process of trying to meld a group of absolute strangers, who may or may not have anything in common other than the blood in their veins.
Then there's KEN. Happy, kind, loving KEN. I surprised him on his birthday and flew down to Florida last minute and spent the weekend with him and his lovely wife. It was a wonderful weekend. One of his step daughter's picked me up from the airport on her way to meeting the family for Ken's birthday dinner, with her son. What a hoot the little guy is. I think it was awkward for maybe a minute or two before we struck up a conversation and had fun getting to know each other as we drove to the restaurant. He's a lucky man to have such a wonderful family, and his in-laws are equally sweet! Such a fun night was had, and the look on his face was priceless, when I walked in behind his step-daughter!
A BIG highlight for me was going with him to the stock car races that he loves so much. He had his trailer packed up with the El Camino ready to go... I couldn't wait to sit track side and watch the different divisions. Ken was thoughtful enough to print out a flyer about how stock races are run, so I would have somewhat of an understanding about what I was watching before we even arrived. I met a ton of his friends that he races with and against. I felt completely at home. The atmosphere reminded me so my of the camaraderie I feel at horse shows, I felt like I blended right in and we stayed into the night. I would have gladly spent the entire weekend at the races as it gave me a real glimpse into his passion.
So, here we are at the end of August and I just received an email confirmation with his flight information.... He's coming and spending a week with me in September, and he gets to spend part of it at a weekend long horse show! I hope I don't bore him to tears. I suppose I should send him a link to the horse show's page, to give him some insight as to what will be going on.
No comments:
Post a Comment