A spectrum of colors

This journey has taken me through a rainbow of colors and emotions and back again.  I think it's time to give the individuals that brought me into this world real names (of my choosing).  I don't feel comfortable using labels, nor their first names, as they are so much more to me.  They're real people, people I'm getting to know with a link to my genetic history.  They both have unique and interesting stories that they're willing to share with me.  I know how lucky I am.  Let's call them Jenny and Kenny.

I know how hard it is for my parents to share this journey with me, but it's meant more to me than anything.  They have been there for me from the first sleepless night as an infant to being the best Grandparents my children could ask for.  Daily communication has kept us a strong family unit and I need them.  Every day.  Their warmth, love and understanding has always kept me strong.  Right now, they are happy for me that I am happy.  I know they feel a slight trepidation now as they worry about the future and how these new relationships will affect us as a family.  I really hope they know in their hearts that their roles will never change.  They will always always go be the moniker's Mom and Dad as well as Grammy and PopPop. 

Jenny and Kenny have their ancient history together.  The directions they chose and the decisions they made defined them.  What young adult gives thought to how their actions as a teenager will affect them and those around them for the rest of their lives.  I believe it was much more difficult for young women to deal with the repercussions of their decisions as the stigma of having a child out of wedlock would follow them forever.  Maybe not though, how hard would it be to not have any choice at all?  To not be part of the decision making.  I would imagine that would leave lifelong scars as well. The pain my adoption caused each of them followed them throughout their lives in different ways, of that I am sure.  

I've read numerous books on reunion and each story is unique, but there are similar threads that run through each of them.  No one gets to walk away unharmed. All involved are affected, and there's no expiration date on the raw emotions that are attached to adoption.  It doesn't matter who you are, or what decisions you make.  Everyone has issues to deal with relating to the adoption, and if you're lucky, at some point you'll find happiness and some sort of closure.  

I hope I get to spend the rest of my life learning from everyone involved in my adoption.  The journey is unending, and more decisions will be made in the months and years to come that will obviously affect the direction this pilgrimage takes.  So far, we're all on the same page.  We'll sort through it all, openly and honestly.  I think that's a pretty good place to start.

Ah, and I can't wait to see what mysteries will unravel themselves in the "NOT so little" box that will arrive on my doorstep soon!